I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
