Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
