you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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