I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
