Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
