I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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