That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
