I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
