i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
