the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
