Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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