I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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