I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
