I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
