Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
