There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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