suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your penis caused this!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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