having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
