Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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