Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
