Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
