He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
