if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
