so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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