marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
