Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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