I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
