the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
