We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
