Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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