Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
