I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The best revenge is premature balding
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
