i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
