Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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