I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
