Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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