I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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