Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
