Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
