omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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