I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
