roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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