its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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