she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
