you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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