I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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