Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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