Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
