Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
