I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
