sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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