note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
