Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
