Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
