i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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