She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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