TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
