hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
