Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
