she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
wow bdsm is so cute
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
