But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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