Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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