Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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