hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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