He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
