my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
