I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
