My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
