And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
