Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
