I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
