First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
