Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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