If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
