So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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