Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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