im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
