God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
