When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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