I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
