my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
