There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
