Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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