I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
