So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
